When to have a baby:Couples must decide

I am Roshni here again; Marriage was something out of a fairy tale. This was my second marriage so the fear I had about my first marriage used to trouble my mind and I used to get cautious when had to do groom selection. My first marriage was a nightmare. I had to go through a lot of shit with my in laws poking nose about my family planning or to go out with a gang of jerks tagging with my husband. On the second day of that marriage realised that husband is a bisexual guy. After reading a lot of Mills and Boons romantic books and coming across a husband who was 14 years older to me was traumatic at the age of 18. In laws and the husband used to pressurise me to be the cause of not having a child. Did a thorough check up by my gynaecologist, who did my mother’s delivery and I was born in her clinic, she told me that I am normal after seeing my ultra sound scans. Later it was found the actual problem was with the husband. Lived in the trauma for 2 ½ years with the taunts and still not able to accept “the Boy of the house had a problem” I convinced my parents to take me away. I fought for my divorce all alone with my childhood friend’s would be wife to my rescue. She along with her father fought my case and gave me freedom. I was happy bird and then family insisted that I should get married again. I agreed but whenever I used to meet someone I used to test the person whether he is also a gay. Finally I met Man of my dreams who was not a gay and we did a lot of testing with each other and we got married. He was aware of my ailment and I knew his problem. Till we got married everything looked like a dream with no one pressurising the child thing. We made an attractive promise “We will live with each other forever and we will never hide our emotions and express our emotions to each other” After marriage realised everyone seemed to be interested only in the good news and what was the good news not job, not studies but “when will you become Ma?” I realised you don’t marry a Man of your fairy tale you marry his family. Accepted. But to what extent? Isn’t it weird to be told by someone to have a child when you don’t even know whether the couple are ready and planned for the child? Today, women make decisions and are more independent but when it comes to bringing someone in this world it is not her decision, not her husband’s decision but it is family decision. Giving a child a good upbringing depends upon its parents’ balanced approach and the support of both able sets of grandparents. The child should have proper education, sense of security and it should be possible to tell him/ her they were God-send, not forced to be born. Then why should curious relatives and the entire neighbourhood be the cause of problems.